Introduction:
This guide provides guidance to help ground you and those with you on this journey together. After your conversation, please log basic information about the discussion to assist in tracking progress and provide feedback.
The guide includes:
- Important Considerations
- Preparation
- Sample Questions
- Follow Up
- Possible Conversation Participants
Important Considerations:
- Intentionality: This is a different kind of conversation than small talk we engage in with friends and strangers every day. Safe Space conversations are deeper, intentional conversations to learn about another person ? what shapes them, what they hope for, what makes them unique and what we have in common.
- Respectful Invitation: You may be inviting people you know, acquaintances, or strangers into Safe Space conversations with you. Make sure to be clear about what the conversation will be about and why you are doing it. Allow the other person to decide if this is something in which they want to participate. It is important to respect it when someone declines and do not take it personally! These kinds of conversations are not for everyone but taking the risk to make the invitation shows that you value them and what they have to say even if they decline the invitation.
- Curiosity: Think conversation, not interview. Let the provided questions get you started and guide you but the best conversations are ones where you let your curiosity guide you. Ask questions such as:
- Why?
- How was that for you?
- Could you tell me more?
- How did that make you feel?
- What happened next?
It is when we ask the next, deeper questions that we learn the most about other people. Always respect if the other person says they don?t want to talk about something.
- Deep Listening: Your role is to ask questions, go deeper, and practice empathy and deep listening. It is not to gossip, give advice or judge what the other person is saying. You can share your own stories and experiences as things come up but try to stick to the 80/20 rule: They talk 80% of the time and you talk 20% of the time.
- Be Willing to Be Uncomfortable: The point of these conversations is not to agree on everything or to feel good during the entire conversation. The point is to learn what shapes other people and to build a stronger community through deeper relationships and more listening. You may find deep disagreement. Just sit in it and remain curious. Do not engage in political debate but instead try to understand how this person came to their views. Try to find the stories beneath the things that make you uncomfortable.
- Gratitude: Make sure to thank everyone with whom you have a conversation. What we are doing takes courage to both ask someone to meet with you and to share about your life. Just by having these conversations, we are strengthening our relationships and our community. Send a thank you card, text, or email. Do not forget this step!!
Preparation: If possible, make space for these conversations by doing the following:
- Try to set aside at least 30 minutes with the other person.
- Give the other person an overview of the kind of conversation you want to have.
- This is part of the Safe Space conversation project in the St. Cloud area.
- Make sure that they know that you will be reporting that you had a Safe Space conversation and that you will not share anything personal about them.
- Make sure the setting feels safe. This might be at a coffee shop or kitchen table. It might be at a park or on a walk outside. Make sure that you both feel comfortable. Have direct and honest conversation about whether the other person prefers masks or outside conversation due to COVID.
- When you are ready, dive into the questions provided or come up with your own. Skip the small talk and dive right in.
Sample Questions:
- What brought you/your family to St Cloud (whether long ago or recently)?
- What were your/their first experiences in St Cloud?
- What keeps you in St Cloud?
- What?s something that makes your family unique? Maybe something that others would find surprising?
- What do you think is a value that you hold that you believe we all share no matter where we come from or how much money we make?
- What fears do you have about the future? What concerns weigh on you?
- What are your hopes and dreams for the next generation in St Cloud?
- Describe a time you felt you really belonged and were cared for?
- Describe a time you felt isolated or alone?
- Describe what home means to you?
- What does safety and security for you and your family look like to you?
- What are your strongest values that guide your life?
Follow Up:
- Log your conversation into?Safe Spaces.??
- Send a thank you note, text, or email to the other person.
- Schedule your next Safe Space conversation.
Possible Conversation Participants:
- Someone with whom you worship
- Neighbor
- Co-worker
- Someone in your book club or social group or parent group
- Family member
- Old friend
- Then expand your list:
- As friends (or people listed above) if they know someone they think you should meet.
- Invite someone that you just met at a community meeting, a social gathering, or even the grocery store.
- Invite someone you have met and engaged with online.
- Post on your social media that you are having Safe Space conversations and ask if anyone in your social media network from Central MN is willing to grab coffee and converse with you.