Safe Spaces

Small Group Guide

Introduction

This guide provides guidance to help ground you and those with you on this journey together.  After your conversation, please log basic information about the discussion to assist in tracking progress and provide feedback.

The guide includes:

  • Important Considerations
  • Preparation
  • Agenda
  • Follow Up
  • Possible Conversation Participants
  • Sample Questions from 1:1 guide

Important Considerations

  • Intentionality:  This is a different kind of conversation than small talk we engage in with friends and strangers every day.  Safe Space conversations are deeper, intentional conversations to learn about another person ? what shapes them, what they hope for, what makes them unique and what we have in common.  
  • Respectful Invitation:  You may be inviting people you know, acquaintances, or strangers into Safe Space conversations with you.  Make sure to be clear about what the conversation will be about and why you are doing it.  Allow the other person to decide if this is something in which they want to participate.  It is important to respect it when someone declines and do not take it personally!  These kinds of conversations are not for everyone but taking the risk to make the invitation shows that you value them and what they have to say even if they decline the invitation.
  • Curiosity:  Think conversation, not interview.  Let the provided questions get you started and guide you but the best conversations are ones where you let your curiosity guide you.  Ask questions such as:
    • Why? 
    • How was that for you?
    • Could you tell me more?
    • How did that make you feel?
    • What happened next?

It is when we ask the next, deeper questions that we learn the most about other people.  Always respect if the other person says they don?t want to talk about something.

  • Deep Listening:  Your role is to ask questions, go deeper, and practice empathy and deep listening.  It is not to gossip, give advice or judge what the other person is saying.  You can share your own stories and experiences as things come up but try to stick to the 80/20 rule: They talk 80% of the time and you talk 20% of the time.
  • Be Willing to Be Uncomfortable: The point of these conversations is not to agree on everything or to feel good during the entire conversation.  The point is to learn what shapes other people and to build a stronger community through deeper relationships and more listening.  You may find deep disagreement.  Just sit in it and remain curious.  Do not engage in political debate but instead try to understand how this person came to their views.  Try to find the stories beneath the things that make you uncomfortable.
  • Gratitude: Make sure to thank everyone with whom you have a conversation.  What we are doing takes courage to both ask someone to meet with you and to share about your life.  Just by having these conversations, we are strengthening our relationships and our community.  Send a thank you card, text, or email.  Do not forget this step!!

Preparation

If possible, make space for these conversations by doing the following:

  • The small group conversation will only be as powerful as the space for reflection and mutual sharing cultivated through the discussion section and your own modeling.  Make sure to think through your own responses to what a safe and secure home looks like to you and what you want to see in St Cloud.  Your grounded clarity and willingness to help move the conversation forward and to share your own answers will be very important in cultivating meaningful conversation.
  • You are not only inviting people to a small group meeting.  You are inviting them into a path towards agency, hope, and community for them and for everyone in St. Cloud. Many people want this so let?s give them this opportunity.
  • Review the possible conversation participants listed below.  Cast a wide net and ask others to bring people that they know as well.
  • Give the participants an overview of the kind of conversation you want to have.
    • This is part of the Safe Space conversation project in the St. Cloud area.
    • Make sure that they know that you will be reporting that you had a Safe Space conversation and that you will not share anything personal about them.
    • Here is a sample invitation script for your use:  Hi, (Name).  I am calling/emailing/texting to invite you to a gathering at (location) on (date) from (start time) to (end time) for a conversation about our vision for a just and safe St Cloud for every person.  This small group conversation is part of a local initiative called Safe Spaces where we want to engage 5,000 people across the St Cloud area in meaningful conversation about our stories and our hopes for the future.  After a difficult year where many people felt isolated and many of us experienced grief and loss, I think it is more important than ever that we create spaces to come together to build relationships, listen, dream and plan for our future.  Will you join me in this conversation?
      • Note:  Location could be your home, a park, a faith institution, a coffee shop, etc.
  • Make sure the setting feels safe.  This might be at a coffee shop or kitchen table.  It might be at a park or on a walk outside.  Make sure that all participants feel comfortable.  Have direct and honest conversation about whether the participants prefer masks or outside discussion due to COVID.
  • When you are ready to start the conversation, refer to the agenda provided.

Agenda

  1. Welcome and Introductions (5 minutes)
    1. Have everyone introduce themselves.
    2. Consider an ice breaker question like those listed.  Start with a deeper ice breaker that begins to get people sharing about their lives rather than favorite color, animal, or summer activity.
      1. What is something that most people don?t know or find surprising?
      2. Where did your first or middle name come from?
      3. Who is the person in your life who had the greatest impact on  you?
      4. What activity helps you relieve stress?
  2. Overview of Safe Spaces Project (5 minutes)
    1. Share the purpose of the Safe Space conversations.
      1. The ability to communicate is a central point of human civilization but it seems that, in this present moment, we have found it difficult to use this essential skill set.  Add to that the need to have conversations about topics that are already sensitive or difficult in nature (i.e., opinions, politics, racism) and we can see how hard it can be to overcome today?s challenges.
      2. Safe Spaces is a local initiative to encourage and support community members in having meaningful discussions about difficult topics in 1:1, small group, and large forum settings in order to create paths toward agency, hope and community for St Cloud and surrounding area.
      3. We believe that these conversations are an essential part of the growth and development of our community and your participation in being part of the lifting up of this community is appreciated.
      4. All Safe Space conversations are logged on the website for tracking toward the goal of 5,000 conversations but no personal information will be shared.
  3. Sharing Stories in Pairs (15 minutes)
    1. Break people into pairs with someone that they don?t know or don?t know well.
    2. Have them answer 2 questions each. Ask each pair to time so that each person gets to answer both questions.
      1. Tell me about a time you felt you really belonged and were cared for.
      2. Tell me about a time you felt isolated and alone.
  4. Reflecting on Pair Stories (10 minutes)
    1. Get the small group back together.
    2. Without sharing personal stories, what themes emerged in your pair?  What surprised you?
    3. How did it feel to have that kind of intimate conversation with someone that you didn?t know well.  What do you think would happen if we all did more of this kind of conversation?
  5. Hope and Dreams for the Future (20 minutes)
    1. Provide this background to the group:  For the next 40 minutes we are going to talk about how we can create a strong, healthy, safe, and vibrant future for our families and everyone in the St Cloud area.  First, we are going to talk about what the future could look like and then we will talk about some of the challenges with which we are faced.  We will spend the last 15 minutes talking about what we can do about those challenges to get to the future vision we cast.  I want to remind everyone to remain curious, share from your own experiences, and avoid political debate.
    2. The questions on our hope and dreams for the future are:
      1. When you think about a safe and secure ?home? for you and your family, what do you envision?
      2. What does home look like?
      3. What does home feel like?
      4. What is needed to make it safe?
    3. If possible, jot the above questions where everyone can see them.  Ensure that everyone shares in this discussion.
  6. Challenges with which we are faced (20 minutes)
    1. Provide this overview to the group:  We can absolutely create a future for every person that looks and feels like what we just described but we do have some challenges to address before we have that future.
    2. Name a few of these challenges directly such as:
      1. Housing
      2. Education
      3. Public Safety
      4. Hunger, etc.
    3. Ask the group:
      1. How do you feel about this?
      2. Have you personally or someone you love experienced some of these challenges?
      3. What other challenges are you or others facing in St. Cloud?
  7. Individual and Collective Steps to build a Stronger St Cloud (15 minutes)
    1. Overview to the group:  We can address these challenges but it is going to take all of us, working together, to build the bright future that we want for St Cloud.  Safe Space conversations are the first step.  Building deep relationships and practicing deep listening can bring us out of isolation and into the community.
    2. I want to invite all of you to have 10 Safe Space conversations with people in your lives.  I will share the site information where you can find guides for 1:1 conversations plus small groups like this one.  I am personally going to (share commitment).
    3. As part of the Safe Spaces project, we are going to do deeper dives into particular issues our communities are facing to understand more clearly what the challenges are and what the possible solutions are.  We will then work together to make some of those solutions a reality.
      1. We know that we are going to do this on housing and education.
      2. Are there other issues on which you are interested in doing a deper dive?
      3. Are any of you interested in being part of a team leading this work on housing or education or another issue?
      4. Collect contact information (name, email, phone, area of interest) for anyone interested in leading on an issue.  Log this information at Safe Spaces.

Follow Up:

  • Log your conversation into?Safe Spaces.??
  • Send a thank you note, text, or email to the other person.
  • Schedule your next Safe Space conversation or small group meeting.

Possible Conversation Participants:

  • Someone with whom you worship
  • Neighbor
  • Co-worker
  • Someone in your book club or social group or parent group
  • Family member
  • Old friend
  • Then expand your list:
    • As friends (or people listed above) if they know someone they think you should meet.
    • Invite someone that you just met at a community meeting, a social gathering, or even the grocery store.
    • Invite someone you have met and engaged with online.
    • Post on your social media that you are having Safe Space conversations and ask if anyone in your social media network from Central MN is willing to grab coffee and converse with you.

Sample Questions from 1:1 conversations, if needed

  • What brought you/your family to St Cloud (whether long ago or recently)?
  • What were your/their first experiences in St Cloud?
  • What keeps you in St Cloud?
  • What?s something that makes your family unique?  Maybe something that others would find surprising?
  • What do you think is a value that you hold that you believe we all share no matter where we come from or how much money we make?
  • What fears do you have about the future?  What concerns weigh on you?
  • What are your hopes and dreams for the next generation in St Cloud?
  • Describe a time you felt you really belonged and were cared for?
  • Describe a time you felt isolated or alone?
  • Describe what home means to you?
  • What does safety and security for you and your family look like to you?
  • What are your strongest values that guide  your life?